stay weird

But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven.  – Matthew 10:33 NLT

This subject has been weighing very heavily on my heart lately.  I am going to be very honest here and I will let you know up front, that I don’t have the answer.

Before I get started let me back up…

While I was growing up I believed in God, I believed in Jesus and that he died on the cross/rose from the dead to pay the price for our sins.  I didn’t understand why but I believed it because that is how I was raised and that is what I was told.  I never cared enough to research it and the few times I opened a bible I didn’t understand it at all.  I would put it down and say “I tried”.

When I could, I would go to church but when Christians approached me with stories or information it would not make sense to me.  I would ask questions but only to receive vague answers that only confused me more.  I was happy for them and that they felt secure in their faith, but I was too since I believed, right?  I believed what I was told so therefore, I was saved.

If someone would have asked me if I was a Christian I would definitely say Yes, I believed yet if you would have looked at my life, you would not have been able to tell.  The way I talked to people, the shows I watched, the books I read, the way I would react to situations, in my daily life there was no demonstration of the way Christ loves us.  I probably had a prayer or cross hanging on my wall but I never prayed nor did I read the bible.  I didn’t have a relationship with God nor did I understand what that meant.  When people would talk to me about that it seemed weird to me.  Why would God want to have a relationship with me?

What I have now learned is that I was not a believer.  I denied Christ by the way I was living.  Like I said if someone would have asked if I was a believer I would have said Yes (didn’t deny Christ) but then if I walk away and talk about that person behind their back, it is like I just slapped Christ in the face and did something so much worse than denying Him.  If I did believe then I would have never lived my life the way I did.  That is being disrespectful to God and to all of His creation.  Once you understand what God did and why, you then understand His purpose for you.  Your view changes from having a world view to an eternal heavenly view.  God loves EVERYONE, not just the ones that are easy to love.  He made this very clear in His word.  If I want to honor and respect God and live my life for Him then I must learn to love the way He does.

So now…here is my struggle…

What I have learned is that even though we “believe” in God, if we are not living our life for God then we are not saved and we are denying Him to the world.  Regardless of what we say, it is how we live, it is a matter of the heart.  Others should be able to look at our life daily and see it reflect the love of Christ.  I want to live my life for Jesus but still be able to connect and reach those that have questions or don’t know God.  I want to learn how to share the gospel and Christ’s love without getting a blank stare, roll of the eyes or silence to only walk way.  I know what they are thinking, because I was that person not long ago.  I don’t care if people think I am weird but if that causes them from growing closer to Christ then that is a problem.  I don’t want to do anything that makes people further from Christ but at the same time I want to be a faithful servant to God.

Where it gets really hard is when you see family and friends say they either don’t believe or when they say they believe yet their life does not reflect the same, because again that was me not long ago!!  I want to help them but how to you help those who don’t want help or they don’t know they need help?  I want to still connect with them personally but how do I do that without reverting back to my past sinful life?  When you discover the light in this dark world, you want to share it will everyone, especially your loved ones.  You want them to have and to discover what God has given you and it is available to everyone.  It is exciting and it is hard to NOT be that weird Christian.

“But if I say I’ll never mention the Lord or speak in his name, his word burns in my heart like a fire.  It’s like a fire in my bones!  I am worn out trying to hold it in!  I can’t do it!  – Jeremiah 20:9 NLT

I love them, so I continue to get down on bended knee and pray…I won’t be quiet!